The apostles of Jesus were out for preaching and had just come back, and got so very busy with ministry, for there were many who were coming and going, that they had no time even to have their food. Jesus had compassion for them, of course, the passage also tells that Jesus had compassion for the people who were lonely, sick, etc., they were like sheep without a shepherd, but Jesus addresses a particular need of his disciples first, thus tells them, come away by yourselves to a lonely place that you may have some rest (Mark 6:30-34).
Leave that passage there and imagine you are someone taking care of your old parents or grandparents for a prolonged period of time, or taking care of a child at home with chronic illness, or a child with autism or other mental health issues, or trying to understand a partner who has given into addictions, or helping and being with a friend who is in a toxic relationship for a long time, or simply have very demanding and entitled children, and you place their needs first. Gradually you begin to feel overwhelmed, feel exhausted and tired; and come to a stage that you can’t take it anymore. People can get tired of caregiving or showing understanding or compassion –it is called compassion fatigue. Though compassion fatigue was identified and written about by Carla Joinson, who herself was a nurse and a writer, in 1992, this is a phenomenon that got specially noticed during the Covid-19 pandemic. As the pandemic hit the world wave after wave; nurses, medical practitioners, volunteers, firefighters, police, pretty much everybody in the business of caring began increasingly growing tired. It is a physical, emotional, and spiritual exhaustion. One comes to a point that there is nothing left to give.
We are all potentially vulnerable to compassion fatigue. It happens because of the prolonged exposure to the emotional and psychological needs of the other. All empathy is used up; one’s empathy cup, compassion cup goes dry, goes empty, one loses one’s capacity for compassion as one used to have. People live in denial of compassion fatigue for a long time. We may feel tired, irritated etc. but we have been the helper, playing the role of caregiver for long, so go on, we don't acknowledge that I am tired.
Juliette Watt, who herself was a victim of compassion fatigue, while narrating her life story in a Ted talk, gives a few symptoms of compassion fatigue. Irritation and frustration, feeling absolutely worthless and terribly sad, isolating yourself from everyone around you including your own family, reduced feelings of empathy and sensitivity, and nothing makes sense anymore. People can behave mechanical and become more and more task-and less emotion–focused.
What do we do when we reach this stage of compassion fatigue? Let go our loved one? Avoid those who need help and care?
Come back to the passage and see what Jesus did. The apostles were experiencing compassion fatigue. Too many people to listen to, care for, to help, and they were tired, had no time even to eat.
First and foremost, Jesus acknowledged it, did not deny it. Acknowledging that one is tired and exhausted because of caregiving is importance because it not only gives the caregiver an opportunity to deal with it and rejuvenate but also the person receiving care does not suffer because of the exhaustion of the caregiver.
Jesus takes measures to refill their cup of compassion. He tells them, come take a little rest. It may have no other meaning than taking a break from all the pressing concerns and needs of the other. In the gospels, going to a lonely place, taking rest also means to spend a while in prayer. It is to take time to realise that you are not alone. Jesus in Matthew 11: 28 says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
Ask for help. Assuming that no one will help could be wrong. Connect with people; speak to them about what is happening with you. That is also the deeper meaning of Jesus’ words in Matthew 9:38, “Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his field.” Everyone is God’s field.
I would also imagine, though not written in the official gospels, Jesus asked the disciple occasionally to do things, like hobbies, that they are fond of, which would help them rejuvenate and forget the stress of life, things like fishing for many of them were fishermen. Or go for a little travel, etc.
Compassion fatigue is real. Sadly it happens to good people, people who care. We need them to continue works of compassion. Here it happens to the disciples, and Jesus knew they had to be helped and they had to continue their work; thus he stepped in. Like Jesus we must also step in when we see people are facing compassion fatigue. When we visit the sick around us, which is a good thing to do, we must also visit the caregiver, speak to them, and be of help to them if possible. Caregivers also need care.
I lost my mother very recently. She was 93; and for last two and half years she was ill and for last one and half years bedridden. My brother and his wife who are at home used to take care of her. As days past, weeks past, months and years past, I could see exhaustion and certain level of irritation setting in. Other siblings, especially my sisters increased their frequency of visit, and they remained at home for longer period of time, giving my brother and wife a little respite. Caregivers need care against compassion fatigue.
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