Till Death Do Us Part

No Christian is a stranger to the expression, till death do us part. Some us have heard in standing on this side or around the altar; and others have said it and heard it standing on the other side of the altar. At least at your marriage, when you were close enough to the alter, you have heard it. This phrase is even part of our popular culture today—indicating the seriousness and the profoundness of marriage.

Till death do us part is a responsibility statement. It is like the ‘yes’ said by Mary of Nazareth as the angel proposed to her to be the Mother of Jesus. In Christian weddings, it is taking responsibility for one another, come what may. Reading the full text of the promise states the particulars of the responsibility, I take you as my wedded wife/husband and I promise you love, honour, and respect; to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness, and in health, to love, and to cherish; till death do us part. So help me God.

Till death do us part is a sincere mutual effort to understand, accept, respect, love, honour, give and receive, and become a larger and more encompassing self than before. Thus marriages become an enabling process. A marriage must not be a narrow invitation for either of the spouses to ‘come and be this’, instead it must be an invitation to ‘come and become’.

In the context of the argument of the Pharisees that Moses had permitted divorce, Jesus brings to our mind an awful phrase, ‘hardness of heart’ —“Moses permitted it because of their hardness of heart” (Mark 10: 2-12, Matthew 19: 3-9). Being hardhearted means to be cold, insensitive, unfeeling, and less emotive. In mark 6 we have Jesus feeding the five thousand and then he walking on water to reach the boat where the disciples were fighting a heavy wind. Jesus calming the sea and walking on the water completely shocked the disciples, almost to the level of ‘not being acceptable or expected of him’. In other words they were very cold to the power of god, in spite of witnessing it time and again. Mark says, “for they had not really grasped the lesson of the loaves, their heart was hardened” (Mark 6:52). Another example of hardheartedness is in the book of exodus where pharaoh refused to let the Israelites, who were slaves, leave the land of Egypt as god had commanded. The book of Exodus mentions fifteen times of pharaoh’s heart being hardened. A hardened heart dulls a person’s ability to perceive and understand. It is the equivalent of spiritual retardation.

We see spiritual retardation within this passage (Mark 10: 13-16) itself. Look at the positioning of the Pharisees and the disciples and Jesus. Pharisees were trying to look for excuses and reason for divorce, to bring down the sanctity of marriage. Jesus was upholding the sanctity of marriage. The disciples were shooing away children as not important and too insignificant to come to Jesus; but Jesus calls them and blesses them. Further on the same chapter we would find the disciples and others doing the same with the blind beggar on the road side who wanted to meet Jesus. The Pharisees and the disciples were insensitive, thus were hardhearted.

The first virtue in marriage is to be sensitive and not be cold to the other. Being sensitive is to be alive in a marriage, and not dead. Sensitivity takes many forms and shapes in marriage. Sometimes being sensitive is to the person you are married could also mean to deliberate and decide to separate, or to seek a divorce from that marriage. Showing courage to refuse to enter into a particular marriage when you know your incompatibility is also being sensitive to the other party.

We make no judgement on people who are married or not married, married and separated or divorced. We leave it to them for each one has very unique, and often very difficult, lives to lead. I personally believe in the Parable of the Talents: each one is given according to one’s capacity, or better put, each one organizes according to his/her capacity to see what is given to him/her; and each one is accountable to the Giver.

In married life or in community life we often hear the lamentation and complaint, why do I find myself with person? Why is this person placed with me? One is baffled and clueless. The Good Samaritan’s parable gives an answer. The Good Samaritan takes the wounded man to an inn and entrusts him to that innkeeper to take care of him. Good Samaritan gives what is needed for the time being, and tells them that he will pay back whatever more is spent on him when he comes back. The inn is the church, and we are the innkeepers. The inn could be the universal church, our parish community as a church; communities, families, and even individuals could be the inn, and those in it are innkeepers. It is our ministry to take care of those who are wounded psychologically and physically. God places people with us and in our care as the Good Samaritan placed the wounded man in the innkeeper’s care. God provides for their upkeep, and whatever we have spent from our end will be repaid when He returns. Treating the wounded with respect and dignity is healing.

Here in the Gospel of Mark after discussing about marriage and divorce Mark places the episode of Jesus endorsing a child as the ideal image of a Christian (Mark 10: 2-16). Jesus says, ‘Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will not enter it.” Can we say the same about marriage, ‘Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the gift of marriage like a little child will not enter it.’ There are two other places in the gospel, Jesus endorsed children as the images of a Christian; both are to settle the dispute among the disciples as to, “who is the greatest among them.” Marriages also begin to shake and collapse when either of the individuals begins to ask the question, ‘who is the greatest among them?’

When the disciples disputed about ‘who is the greatest among them’, on one occasion (Luke 9: 46-50), Jesus placed a child in front of them and said, if you can receive this child, as insignificant, as small, and as disturbing as it is you will be great. The same is true in marriage too. On another occasion (Matthew 18: 1-5), when the disciples disputed among themselves about ‘who is the greatest among them’, Jesus took a child and placed it in front of them and said, if you become like this little child you will be great. It holds true in marriage. Two tips from Jesus to keep your marriage alive and kicking: one, receive/accept the other as the other is; two, become as passionate and involved in marriage and family as a child would get passionate and involved in the things it does.

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