Families are complex and multilayered. On one end of the polarity we are lucky we have families in which we are planted. There is a beautiful imagery given in the gospel of Luke 13: 6-9: a fig tree planted in a vineyard. Unlike vines, fig trees are not so fragile; they grow even in wild surroundings. But in this passage, Jesus talks about a fig planted in a vineyard, with a fence around it to protect it, and watered and manured to promote growth, blooming, and bearing fruit. Family is like that vineyard. We should be grateful that we are planted in a family. Whether we realise or not we would be lesser if we did not have our brother, or sister, or mother, father, grandparents, grand children, and so on. It is like not having a member of our body. Second Vatican council rightly calls families as, domestic churches.
At the same time, on the other end of the polarity, family is one of the least critiqued, least audited, least questioned, and least brought to book institutions. Nobody else has access to it. Modern thinking or the constitution has not affected it. In classrooms, from pulpits, and on social media, we talk about gender equality, free speech, secularism, inclusivity; but go into our families, all that we have expelled and got rid of on our journey to modernity are still intact in our families. These, long expelled, social evils find unquestioned space in our families.
These are two polarities that we find with families all over; these are two truth-sides of the same coin. We have much to become. It is in this contest we have the holy family of Nazareth as a lighthouse to move towards. We are given a concrete passage, Luke 2: 51-52, to reflect on. I would highlight two points about families in the context of today’s gospel.
Family is not a finished product; it is a process, a never-ending process. On a performance graph, it is not a process that looks like a straight line; if we have to draw its graph, it would look like a scribble, or a doodle.
Often our mental representation of family is like the clichéd mannequins/dummies decked and placed at the display windows of cloth stones like the Chennai silks or Pothys silks, etc. Husband/father standing flawlessly in his pant, shirt, tie, and suit; mother/wife, clad in sari and makeup, son, neat and organised as a pilot; and the daughter, a girl in traditional dress, obedient and going along. They have no problem between them; they are a family, and nothing more is needed.
Our real families in flesh and blood are far from these. Last evening I met a man, Joy, and his wife on St. Anthony’s Friary Church campus. They were with their 24-year old sun, who is on the spectrum, his communication and social skills are affected seriously. He is the younger of the two sons; he developed this condition when he was just eight months old. These parents are doing all that they can to make life possible for this son. I was told that even today his elder brother carries him to buildings etc. to where access for such people is difficult. I in fact have seen and greeted this man many a times in the past. Only now did I know of the life they live. And this in many cases is an image of real families.
Things could go wrong in any family. The holy family, as it was their custom goes to Jerusalem for the annual feast the Passover. After the feast when they had travelled for a day’s journey they realise that boy Jesus was missing, Joseph and Mary were concerned, they went back in search of him, and find him. This concern, empathy, accompanying, and searching for the missing one is the secret of a good family. When in Luke 15 Jesus spoke the parable of the lost sheep, and the shepherd who went after the lost sheep, Jesus would have been reminded of himself, who was once lost and was found by his parents.
We seem to be in a great hurry; patience is what is called for. However messed up a family becomes, give time and things get better. Buddha and Anand were on a journey. They crossed a small river and had travelled for a little while when Buddha asked Anand to fetch some water for him from the river that they had just crossed. Anand went at once to fetch water, but retuned back and reported that a group of bullock-carts had gone by the river and the water has gone muddy. Buddha told him, go back to the river and sit by its side in silence and the water will eventually become clear. Like rivers families too get better. Family is an exercise in patience.
Secondly, raise children for the world. Do not invest or spend on your children just with the narrow-mindedness of securing your future when you are old. Children are meant for the world. Teach them to care for others.
Though every year Joseph, Mary, and Jesus used to go to Jerusalem temple for the feast, something interesting happens when he was 12 years old. As he came to the age of maturity Jesus realised that he was not meant just for his home, but for the larger world, to get involved with the concerns of his father. Jesus does not go back home, he remains in Jerusalem. When he was confronted by his parents he tells them, ‘am I not supposed to be busy with my father’s business?’ The saturation of Jesus’ living for the world was his death on the cross. And here is the irony; a child who is taught and allowed to take care of others will definitely take care of his parents too. By the time Jesus was crucified, Joseph had already died, Jesus finds Mary his mother standing at the foot of the cross, Jesus called John and entrusted his mother to him, and the scriptures say that then on John took her to be in their company (John 19: 25-29).
The holy family of Nazareth is like a lighthouse. Lighthouses show boats and ships how far they have gone away from the shore; and gives them direction to return back. The holy family of Nazareth does the same.
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