What is the use of you gaining the whole world and losing your very life? Every Lenten season begins with this question (Luke 9: 22-25). I am accountable for my life—that is my primary accountability. Of course it does not mean that we have no responsibility towards others’ life. Often our life and the life around us, the life of the world, are so very intertwined, that we seldom know the difference. Spirituality is the capacity to know what saves our lives, and what does not. Spirituality is the capacity to know what to lose and what not to give up. Some battles in our lives we must lose, some battles in our lives we must fight till the end meaning to win—at least die fighting.
Macarius the Great of Egypt (300–397 CE) was a monk, ascetic, and a Desert Father. He announced that he is going to the desert to wrestle with God. His disciple with amusement asked him, “Do you hope to win?” “No.” He replied, “I hope to lose.” We are constantly fighting battles in our lives, knowing what battles to lose is the in spiritual progress.
Life is a constant wrestle. Don’t let the other go away without blessing you. The greatest blessing that you can get is from the other. Everyone who fights with you is not your enemy. In Genesis 32: 22–32 we find Jacob wrestling with God. Jacob was alone. A man wrestled with him until the break of dawn. Jacob saw that he was powerless against him. He struck the socket of Jacob’s thigh, and the socket of Jacob's thigh was dislocated in his struggle with him. He said, "Release me, for dawn is broken!" Jacob said, "I will not release you, except if you bless me… He blessed him there… Jacob passed that place limping over his thigh.” He did not allow God to go away without blessing him.
In Matthew 15: 21-28 we have a Canaanite woman wrestling with Jesus. She came to Jesus to seek healing for her daughter who was demon-possessed and suffering terribly. Jesus did not answer a word. So his disciples came to him and urged him, “Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us.” He answered, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel.” The woman came and knelt before him. “Lord, help me!” she said. He replied, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to the dogs.” “Yes it is, Lord,” she said. “Even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master’s table.” Then Jesus said to her, “Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.” And her daughter was healed at that moment. She refused to go away until her request was granted.
Have you ever looked deep into the face of the challenge or person that you have been wrestling with the whole night? The one who is fighting with you is your God. Or the one whom you are fighting with is your God. Are you shocked? It was the same shock that engulfed Saul when he heard 'I am Jesus whom you re persecuting." Often that other appears to you as demanding, hurting, and a tough person, and therefore we think him to be your enemy. Like Jacob, don’t let him go without blessing you. Don't let him go without you reconciling with him. Don't let him go. Spirituality is not wrestling with the devil. It is a wrestle with God. Your addictions, your habits, your prejudices, your comfort zone, your greed, your ego, and so on are in constant fight for dominance. There is a no devil in your life; there is only God, and then you.Judas, the apostle, was wrestling with God. He could not lose to God. He wanted to do his things, thought that he was winning the world, but in truth he was losing himself. Saul was wrestling with God, he wanted to win the whole world, the he realised that he was losing his life. He lost to God and gained his life, and became Paul. Yes. The way to save your soul is by accepting the Other.
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